Aces, Kings, Queens and Jokers – The Week in Review

It has been said that writing non-fiction is difficult because it’s so hard to make it believable. Such was the week at Gainey Ranch.

Monday the 17th

The week began slowly on Monday with a game rarely played amongst the men of Gainey – a round-robin dollar Nassau. A dollar Nassau may seem like small potatoes until you realize everyone in the field has a dollar Nassau with everyone else in the field. With twenty players, you could in theory lose nineteen matches front, back and 18 for a loss of three dollars nineteen times. Conversely, you could win fifty-four dollars if you play very well. It encourages everyone to putt everything and to play their best for all 18 holes.

Monday’s event found George Stelmach atop the heap by a wide margin. He rode his 14 handicap into the winner’s circle with a gross 79. It would be easy to call the person “contributing” the most money to the pot the biggest loser, but alas – how tacky. I chose to give him the “Major Sponsor’s Trophy”.  Monday’s Sponsor’s Trophy went to Mike Forde.

Wednesday the 19th

The regular Kildare Group took to the tee box and when the dust had settled, Scott Thompson came out on top with a gross 74. He claims he’s injured, but the scorecard failed to corroborate his story. Dennis Kildare beat up upon the field in the net category with a 64. Bruce Partridge finished second four strokes back. Thompson and Kildare escaped with four of the six net skins. Thompson commandeered three of the five gross skins.

Thursday the 20th

This is normally a non-golf day for most, however, this day was anything but normal. It seems the club hosted a “charity tournament” sponsored by one of Scottsdale’s night spots catering to the “younger set”. The Gainey MGA had its moles inserted into the field to make sure everything was on the up-and-up. Let me make it perfectly clear – I was NOT present. Therefore, I cannot report anything that is not hearsay. Take it with a grain of salt. Better yet, query those MGA members that were actually on the course and get their stories first-hand. Mike Miller, Marty Howe, Jim Gabriel and Bruce Partridge (who else would you have expected) were reported to have participated in the tournament. It seems the tournament involved nudity, flashes of greatness, uplifting motivation talks, aerobic exercise and more strokes than handicaps normally allow.  I wouldn’t be surprised if there were photographs documenting some of the play, but I have yet to see them.

If the rumor mills can be given any credence, the events on the course paled in comparison to the activities in the Member’s Grill after the event. I am not a witness to anything as I was home reading self-improvement books. However, based upon the “word on the street”, the evening was one that won’t soon be forgotten by those that can remember it.

Friday the 21st

Life returned to near normal with the Friday group. Dave Inman, Ron Rosin and Mike Miller lit it up shooting 76, 77 and 79 respectively taking low gross honors. Net skins went nearly everywhere with Horihan, Wentrup, Inman, Irvine, Kildare, Miller, Vlah and Woods claiming one each.

The highlight of the round came when Mike Wentrup had a hole-in-one on #6 Lakes. Most golfers never ace a hole. The lucky ones rack up one or maybe two. This was Mike Wentrup’s sixth hole-in-one. Were it not for the fear of facing a large bar bill for the obligatory ceremonial buying of a round of drinks, Mike may have forgotten to mention it. After all – after six up them . . . what’s the big deal?

Author: h. Alton Jones


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