Kopps and Robbers . . . Wednesday, September 27th

The Wednesday golf group gets larger as the temperatures get lower. With a great turnout, the bandits left their roost. This week’s bandit-in-chief was none other than Richard Martin. You’ve all heard the term “Plausible deniability”, but few have ever seen its face. Here it is. Richard had been posting scores that looked like an Arabian weather report, but Wednesday, he came out of hiding and logged a net 60. He helped his (stacked) team of Dave Kopp, Scott Thompson and Jim Gabriel run away with first place honors. Their team’s net scores were (60, 64, 65 and 76). As if these bunker bandits hadn’t absconded with enough treasure, three members of the team accounted for virtually all the skins for another $195. When the sheriff escorted them to their armor-plated Porches, they looked like Cheshire cats that had just held up the bank.

The computer program used to analyze the matches has a feature that calculates the odds of someone shooting a particular score on a given course with a set rating and slope. In the past 500 rounds recorded, no one has ever broken the 1,000-to-1 barrier. Martin’s odds worked out to roughly 3,000-to-1. I hear they’re getting a posse together and they’re looking for a rope.

Martin wasn’t the only marauder on the course. Dave Kopp was on the loose. Coincidentally, he was on the same team as Richard Martin. Kopp bogeyed two out of the last four holes. His monumental collapse left him with a gross 71. His closest competitor was eight strokes back.

At a certain point, the rest of the field is no longer classified as competitors; they are simply relegated to the status of “the gallery”. It was a nice day to be a spectator.

Low Net

  1. Richard Martin – 60
  2. Bruce Partridge – 63
  3. Dave Kopp – 64

Low Gross

  1. Dave Kopp – 71
  2. Jim Stamatis and Ron Rosin – 79

Team Winners

  1. Richard Martin, Dave Kopp, Jim Gabriel and Scott Thompson
  2. Ron Rosin, Mike Forde, Mike Wentrup and Jim Stamatis

Complete results.

I guess I’d better come clean. I’ve said nothing above that is untrue, however, I’ll confess that as propaganda minister, I may have omitted a little bit of relevant information. It is true that no one has ever (since the records have been kept in the current system) broken the 1,000-to-1 odds barrier. It is also true that three out of the four most improbable rounds in the past 500 were fired yesterday (Martin, 3000-to-1, Kopp, 972-to-1 and Partridge, 706-to-1). It is also true that the calculation of these numbers is based soundly on tens of thousands of golf rounds played all over the nation. However, I must admit the first nine holes of Wednesday’s event were played from the back tees of the Arroyo course in a “shamble” format. Everyone hit a drive and then all four teammates hit their second shots from the point of the best drive. Undoubtedly, this made the play a little easier, especially for the high handicappers. Jim Gabriel said, “Hey, we were hitting our second shots from places we’d never seen on the course before!”

Alright, alright . . . we’ll suspend the charges against these guys this time. The odds perhaps weren’t fairly calculated. But you look at the expressions on the faces of these pirates and try and tell me we shouldn’t still have a hanging rope in the cart for Friday’s round.

Author: h. Alton Jones

writer/scientist/adventurer

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