♪♬ And a Partridge on a Par Three ♪♬ – December 25th Week in Review

Wednesday, December 26th

Partridge in a Pear TreeBruce Partridge and Howard Jones took home first prize in Wednesday’s Men’s Day competition. They played poorly, but ham-and-egged it very well. And as I learned after buying Phoenix Coyote season tickets, timing is everything. Second place went to Mike Matz and Gary Reibman. Greg Luce and Ron Rosin claimed third and were followed by Dan Hellman and Ted Akiba in fourth and Brian Laks and Jim Mantle in fifth. Mike Matz won four skins, two gross and two net. Brian Laks, Dennis Kildare and Jim Stamatis won two skins each. Gary Anzalone, Gene Kloeckner, John Walker and Ted Akiba bagged one each.

There was a good turnout in the Kildare group. Jim Stamatis won low gross and low net. Gary Anzalone took second in the gross category. Howard Jones and Dale Anderson tied for third place. Dale Anderson and Dennis Kildare finished tied for second in the net ranking.

Low Net

  1. Jim Stamatis – 66
  2. Dale Anderson and Dennis Kildare – 68

Low Gross

  1. Jim Stamatis – 78
  2. Gary Anzalone – 80
  3. Dale Anderson and Howard Jones – 83

Complete results.

The course played tough again, a half stroke under a ninety average. Birdies were rare. No eagles left their nests.

Dale AndersonFriday, December 28th

Dale Anderson completed his conquest of Gainey Ranch Friday finishing in first place in the net score category. Gary Anzalone took the honor of low gross. There is credible evidence that Anderson has already taken his week’s winnings and deposited them into a Swiss bank account.

Low Net

  1. Dale Anderson – 66
  2. Sam McConkey – 67
  3. Jim Gabriel and Mike Hickey – 68

Low Gross

  1. Gary Anzalone – 78
  2. Dave Inman – 79
  3. Mike Hickey – 80

Complete results.

The team competition was won by Gary Anzalone, Bruce Partridge, Mike Wentrup and Jim Gabriel. They edged out Dale Anderson, Dave Inman, Don Fruchtman and Tom Hansen by two points. All teams were competitive. Well . . . alright, maybe not all teams. The point spread between the first four teams was six points, 30 to 24. Match results.

One team composed of Howard Jones, Rick Brown, Mike Forde and Nick De Santis (I’ve switched the names around to protect their identity) defied all laws of nature, statistics and golf to fall 30 points behind the winners. Jones insists they engineered their game to attain a score of zero. “It is a magical number,” said Jones. “It symbolizes peace, harmony and balance. We escaped the Mayan collapse only because of efforts such those we put forth Friday. As we enter the New Year, our team members will be spiritually poised to climb the highest summits of golf success. The other teams will have seven years of bad luck and missed putts.”

Forde says it was a statistical aberration, but totally explainable. “The sun was in my eyes the whole round,” he said with a slight snarl. “Gravitational fields have been swirling lately and my putting was affected. The wind was always in my face; I assume Gabriel and Partridge were in an adjacent foursome.”

When asked about his performance, De Santis was cryptic. “How about those Red Sox,” he demurred. He then wandered off mumbling something about pissing off a Navajo medicine man in Gallup the week before.

Rick Brown was more philosophical. “How the hell could I play good golf when I’m paired up with those guys?” He said, “They’ll be hearing from my attorney,” as he threw his balls in the water. One for the record books!

Author: h. Alton Jones


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