Armistice in the Colorado Golf Wars

Red Sky Golf Club - The Greg Normal Course
Red Sky Golf Club – The Greg Norman Course

A truce has been declared in the two day war on the golf courses of Vail, Colorado. After Dick Scott ran with the money Wednesday, he didn’t show up to play on Thursday. He claimed he had a prior commitment, but I suspect he was out burying his winnings in his backyard.

Sandy Wiener schemes
Sandy Wiener schemes

It was a three dog fight Thursday on a course that was so difficult that putts would actually disappear before getting to the hole or sometimes after rolling ten or twenty feet beyond the hole. Red Sky Golf Club is a luxurious, magnificent test of golf, but I have never found more difficult greens to putt. I’m suspecting that an 80,000 volt electro-magnetic coil was buried beneath every green and that its polarity was reversed after every read, but before every putt. Up was down, left was right and we were all befuddled.

Ed Nafus had it all figured out for a few holes and that was sufficient to remove most of the remaining cash in the pockets of Howard Jones and Sandy Wiener. To avoid a lifetime of criticism, I will not reveal Sandy Wiener’s final score. I’m sure his differential to course rating wasn’t too bad. Surely the course was rated somewhere around 90.

Jones came out on top in the individual match with Wiener, but somehow still lost money to him. As near as I can tell, here’s what happened. Our fourth player was a club pro. The pro rode with Wiener and coached him throughout the round. But even with expert professional coaching, Sandy was no match for the course. It ate us all alive, but it spit Sandy out when it was done. For the second consecutive day, Sandy lost a $30 bet to Jones. He promptly paid it as we walked off the 18th green.

So far – so good.

However, we had all decided that as a thank you for the pro taking his time, testing his patience and getting us a discount, it would be appropriate if we all chipped in and gave the pro a “respectable” tip. As we walked off the 18th green, I gave the pro twenty-five dollars. Ed Nafus went over and gave the pro twenty-five dollars. Now Sandy turns to Jones and says, “Give me twenty-five dollars.”

Jones assumes Sandy doesn’t have the correct change for a tip and “loans” him twenty-five dollars. Now Sandy goes up to the pro and tips him fifty dollars, half of which he’s just lifted from Jones. The pro thinks Sandy’s twice as generous as the other two cheapskates and invites Sandy to play the other course at Red Sky next week, but figures to hell with the tight-wads.

So at this point, Jones won thirty, but collected five dollars. The pro’s up one hundred dollars. And Sandy’s got a reputation at Red Sky as being the biggest tipper since Donald Trump played there.

In a nutshell, Sandy lost to both Ed Nafus and Howard Jones, but Sandy was the big winner. It all makes sense to me.

Author: h. Alton Jones


One thought on “Armistice in the Colorado Golf Wars”

  1. Seems like Mr. Jones forgot to mention that I also gave him back the $25 short term loan within seconds. He charged me an extra $5 for the loan which wasn’t a loan. Understand??? I didn’t, but I’m not near as smart as he is.

    Overall, in spite of Mr. Jones kicking my butt two days in a row we had a blast. By the way, don’t trust a man with a limp!!


    Sent from my iPad


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