In Defense of the Common Partridge

The common partridge
The common partridge

The partridge (phasianidae perdicinae) is a bird native to Asia, but with an established population in the United States. It is a member of the pheasant family. It is normally found in areas where rainfall is sparse and humidity is low. It is a rather fat bird. It is commonly called a “chukar”. Chukars frequently have bad taste. According to one scholarly source, In summer, Chukars form pairs to breed. During this time, the cocks are very pugnacious calling and fighting.”  It is the national bird of Pakistan. In India, it is believed to be in love with the moon and to gaze at it constantly.

Another common partridge indigenous to the Arizona desert is the “bruce partridge” (golfironeous mochukar). Like the chukar, it has been known to have bad taste, gaze at the moon and become pugnacious. There are those that believe it is a devious bird and allege that it wins golf events with a far greater frequency than ornithologists can

The uncommon partridge ("golfironeous mochukar") in its natural habitat
The uncommon partridge (“golfironeous mochukar”) in its natural habitat

explain. For example, in Wednesday’s 32nd Inferno Cup match of the year, the bruce partridge turned in a net 64 to win the individual net match by two strokes over another unusual desert bird, the Spotted Gabriel. There were those who suggested a net 64 was far too unusual to be a legitimate score. Clearly that is not true. It is actually two strokes worse than his net 62 from Monday’s match where he skinned the field by a much wider margin.

To those of you who would impugn the reputation of the Arizona Partridge, I assure you, your criticism is poppycock (I believe this is another rare bird indigenous to the British Isles). I have played with the Arizona Chukar many times and he stinks. Further proof can be gleaned from the current standings in the race for the Inferno Cup. The first six places finish in the money and the bruce partridge is not currently in that range. I have been present when he was given two additional strokes on the eighteenth hole of the Dunes course for a twenty dollar bet. He laid more eggs than a house-fly and lost the hole by three strokes to Sandy Wiener. Unfortunately, he was my partner that day and the double-sawbuck came out of my pocket. Yes, he goes low sometimes, but like the common buzzard, he can soar to unimaginable heights especially when he’s my partner.

Low Net

  1. Bruce Partridge – 64
  2. Jim Gabriel – 66
  3. Ron Dobkin – 67

Low Gross

  1. Mike Nichols, Scott Thompson and Dave Inman – 76

Skins were split nine ways with Mike Nichols and Jim Woods claiming two each, Howard Jones, Brian Laks, Steve King, George Stelmach and Jim “the spotted” Gabriel getting one each. Note the Arizona Partridge did not escape with a skin. He was too busy staring at the moon.

Author: h. Alton Jones


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