April 2014 – Scottsdale Golfer News

A Tip of the Hat to the Commissioner

For many years, Dennis Kildare has poured heart and soul into the game of golf. He has spent countless hours organizing, coordinating and managing golf matches, mostly on Wednesdays and Fridays. Few people have a grasp of the amount of time and effort it has taken him to solicit the players, create the groupings, engineer the games, tally the scores, collect the money, distribute the prizes, interface with the club, get the starting times and myriad other tasks associated with the job he has voluntarily done for the enjoyment of his friends and fellow club members.

Then the headaches begin. “I can’t play – something’s come up.” Dennis then scrambles to get a replacement.

“If I have to play in the same group as that guy, I’m not showing up.” Dennis arranges for a blind draw.

“That son of a bitch cheats!” Dennis tries to make sure everyone plays by the rules.

“My handicap’s not right!” Dennis double checks. It’s right.”

“No wonder he wins all the time. He gives himself six foot putts.” The Commissioner tells everyone that every ball must hit the bottom of the hole.

“No wonder he wins all the time. He intentionally misses six foot putts.” Dennis says, “Play fair.”

Dennis’ life has been getting too complicated lately. It’s made his role that much more difficult. No one can blame him for longing for the simpler days. So he has “retired” or at least he’s trying to return to the days when life was more comfortable. Who can blame him? Wouldn’t all of us like to return to the good old days when life was simple, when kids were up-front and the worst thing that could happen was to lose your roller-skate key?

We all owe Dennis a great debt of gratitude for his untiring efforts.

Rosen Raids the Ranch

April 2^nd found Gainey Ranch’s golfers wielding some hot sticks despite the slightly cool weather. Conditions were so brutal that some golfers actually put on sweaters – at least briefly. I’m not sure what the final tally was in the frostbite department, but at least no one froze to death as temperatures dipped into the low 70s.

Doug Lammle built his own fire by carding net 62, a nearly 500-to-1 odds round of golf. With twelve pars, four bogeys and two don’t-ask-don’t-tell holes, he scorched the field in the net division. Five golfers fell only two strokes back with net 64s. It looks like the Handicap Committee will be working overtime on this group. Four strikers turned in gross 79s to share low gross honors on the day. One of them, Sandy Wiener, finished birdie-birdie to cheat me out of my rightful Nassau prize money. It is well known that Sandy grew up in New Orleans and regularly uses forms of Voodoo on the golf course. Surely, there’s something in the rule book about casting spells while a ball is in motion. My second shot on #18 was as straight as a string and absolutely dead on the stick, yet it landed on the edge of the green and mysteriously kicked to the right and into the lake. It seems the term “dead on the stick” has a completely different meaning when playing a New Orleans native.

The real marauder of Men’s Day #19 was Laurence Rosen. He turned in a gross 85 which when adjusted for his handicap didn’t even get him into the top ten in the net department. And yet, he left the house with most of the money. His team finished third in the Men’s Day race, second in the Kildare competition and he somehow managed to claim six skins (not a misprint – six). He walked out the door with roughly $300!!! Where the hell was Paul Revere when we needed him?

Here’s the complete Men’s Day Money List for the season. Rosen made his move. Guard your money, the women and children and keep your doors locked at night.

Low Net

Doug Lammle – 62
Ron Dobkin, Buddy Stein, Dale Folstad, Eric Macnaughton and Darryl Johnson -64

Low Gross

Sandy Wiener, Mike Nichols, Bob Kenkel and Tom Holcombe – 79

Sixty-nine golfers averaged just over 90 on the Arroyo/Lakes course. The tract gave up one eagle (Jay Yourk – #4 Arroyo) and thirty-five birdies. The title of stingiest hole on the course was shared between the usual (#7 Lakes) and #9 Arroyo. Both averaged 1.4 strokes over par.