Although it’s early in the season, our resident paparazzi has been lurking in the bushes at Gainey Ranch. Some of the photos from last week’s action can be found by clicking here. You can enlarge any photo by clicking on it.
We’ll be getting more in the future. Try to look pretty and wear your finest golf garb. Try and use a golf swing that looks good of film.
Also a couple more tips to make you look more handsome in the photos (and some of you guys really need the help). If you spot the paparazzi somewhere, try to be aware of where you park your carts. Carts (and pictures of golfers riding in carts) generally make lousy photos. Try to park carts out of the line of the camera.
If you are an ugly person (like Howard Jones), try not to stand directly behind a pretty person (like Mike Forde) when he is swinging or otherwise in the line of sight of the photographer. Your face will ruin his pictures. Ugly people (you know who you are) should wear colorful clothes to distract the eyes of the observers.
Also consider hitting your ball onto the green such that your back is to the camera while you’re putting. Consider keeping your hands off your private parts and above all else, do not relieve yourself within range of the camera; we can get fairly clear pictures at distances of over a half mile. Those who ignore this advice will be receiving payment booklets – and don’t be late on your payments; the interest rates are beyond usurious.
For those of you who don’t care to have your picture taken, attempting to hide only exacerbates the problem. Photos of you will be rarer and call for higher premiums, especially if you are caught throwing a club, hissing or spitting.