Camelback Golfers – READ THIS OR ELSE!

GodfatherIf you continue to play golf at Camelback and you haven’t read this, a curse will be cast upon you. Your hair will fall out. (Note to those of you with sparse or no hair: In your case, a secondary curse will be administered the results of which are far too gruesome to detail in a public forum such as this.)

It has come to my attention that some golfers continue to be conflicted and/or confused by the rules governing “lateral hazards” in general and in particular, the rules as they pertain to the native grass areas at Camelback Golf Club. Please read this missive and absorb it. Inculcate it both into your conscious and subconscious minds, your ID, your EGO, your memory, your yin and your yang. Kindly understand this so thoroughly that in the event you talk in your sleep, you recite variations on this rule rather than cry out the name of someone with whom you had a love relationship in the past. In that regard, having a thorough grasp of this rule may not only save you penalty strokes on the golf course, it could also save your relationship at home.

ALL NATIVE GRASS AREAS ON THE AMBIENTE COURSE ARE DEEMED “LATERAL HAZARDS”. There are certain God given or natural laws of nature that apply to lateral hazards. Some for your bemusement are:

  1. Your ball is in the hazard AT THE LAST POINT OF ENTRY. It doesn’t matter if your ball is 700 feet in the air, the point of entry is that point where a vertical line straight down from your ball crosses the line of the hazard.
  2. Assuming you find your ball without being bitten by a rattlesnake, ravaged by a coyote, bobcat, or member of the grounds crew, you have the same five options for your next shot that you would if you had hit your ball into a lake. Those options are …
    • Play the ball AS IT LIES.
    • Drop two clubs lengths from the LAST POINT OF ENTRY, but no closer to the hole. There is a one stroke penalty.
    • Drop a ball within two clubs lengths of a point on the opposite side of the hazard in line with the LAST POINT OF ENTRY no closer to the hole. There is a one stroke penalty.
    • Play the ball from the location of your previous shot. There is a one stroke penalty.
    • Play the ball from any point you wish on a line directly, i.e., straight back, in line with the flagstick and the LAST POINT OF ENTRY. You may legally drop the ball back 800 yards if you’re so inclined (as long as you’re still in bounds), however, this option may have to be addressed in another post relating to mental competence. There is a one stroke penalty.

Things YOU MAY NOT DO if you’re going to play your ball from within the hazard.

  1. You MAY NOT ground your club in such a fashion as to be deemed “testing the ground” or “improving your lie or swing path”. You MAY lightly brush the grass in the course of addressing or swinging as long as it is not done to remove the grass or otherwise improve your swing path.
  2. You MAY NOT touch or move any loose impediments in your swing path or the path of the ball. You MAY NOT move rocks or native vegetation. “I paid two hundred dollars for this club” is not a statement that grants a waiver of the rules. You MAY move unnatural loose impediments such as those that are human caused. For example, you may move an empty beer can that impedes your swing. In fact, if the can isn’t empty, you may drink the contents before and/or after the swing. It may even help. You MAY move or take relief from waste or construction debris that is clearly man made. For example, you can take relief from a pile of mesquite slash having been cut and left for pickup. You may also get relief into the mesquite as long as you are not visible from any residence or by any other golfers on the course. The penalty for such relief is self-inflicted; remember, mesquite thorns are extremely sharp. If you get too close, you will come away with a much greater appreciation for the term “slash”.
  3. You MAY NOT lift your ball to identify it if it is clearly identifiable without lifting. If in doubt, your playing opponent usually has a pretty good eye for spotting your markings. If the ball does have to be lifted, make sure it is returned to the same place it was before the heist.
  4. You MAY NOT take a drop out of the hazard on a line running laterally from the point at which the ball came to rest. This technique is referred to a “desert rules” and is NOT the legal or proper way to take relief. The technique is also referred to a cheating, even if done with the noblest of intentions.

Now that I have hopefully made it clear how to proceed on those rare occasions when your ball unfairly, unjustly and no doubt in defiance of the physical laws of the universe makes its way into a “native grass lateral hazard”, let me take a little extra time to clarify the term “native grass area”.

On the Ambiente course, we have the following eight areas: teeing grounds, putting greens, sand traps, fairways, the rough (you know – those areas that look like the fairway, but aren’t cut nearly as close to the ground), lakes, cart paths and “OTHER AREAS”. If you’re not in one of the first seven, you’re in a “native grass area”. Native grass areas typically have native grasses in them, and sometimes flowers. They also have snakes, mice, rabbits, bobcats, coyotes, and raptors, but to keep things simple, we’ll not refer to them as native animal areas; we’ll stick with native grass areas.

Here are a couple of the biggest sources of confusion when it comes to native grass areas. In the event that the following “interpretations” appear to violate the rules or spirit of the game as you may know them, consider them “sub-local” rules for our group only (unless the Club adopts them). They are hereby declared “the rules” as set by the Tournament Committee (me) and Chair of the Handicap Committee (also me).

  1. If a cart path runs adjacent to a native grass area and your ball comes to rest on the cart path or sufficiently close to the edge of the cart path as to cause you to risk injury or club damage, you MAY take relief on the non-hazard side of the cart path – EVEN IF YOUR BALL COMES TO REST CLEARLY ON THE HAZARD SIDE OF THE CART PATH.
  2. If a cart path runs through a native grass area, i.e., native grass areas exist on both sides of the cart path where your ball comes to rest, you may take free relief, however the drop must be made IN THE HAZARD. You must drop within one club length of the point of nearest relief from the cart path. Note this is a “local rule for our group only” and is in opposition to the official USGA position on this question. The USGA says you get NO RELIEF in such situations; you play the ball where it lies – even if it’s on the cart path. You still have all the options available for relief from a lateral hazard, however, it’ll cost you one stroke.

One final (famous last words) comment on the native grass question. If you’re playing golf on the Padre course and you’re ball comes to rest in a native grass area on the Ambiente course, e.g., behind the #12 green, these rules still apply.

I sincerely hope these clarifications make play easier, less stressful and faster. If I’ve missed anything or you have any further questions or comments, hit the comment button and let’er rip!

Also be aware that if any interpretation remains nebulous or ambiguous, resort to “Jones Rule #138”, i.e., all rule interpretations shall be made in a manner that favors the author and his team.

A Few Rules for Faster Play

Have you ever noticed that golfers tend to hate the group in front of them? It’s because that group is holding them up, at least in their minds. Real or imagined, slow golf sucks. If the group in front of you truly is holding you up, there’s no need to worry about the nuances of fast play. But if you’re the hold up, consider picking it up a bit. Here is a partial list of “rules” that if adhered to, will make the game proceed faster and everyone will be happier.

SwingThoughts

  1. DON’T PIDDLE! If you have already hit your shot and you are the only person still within range of the group behind you, DO NOT piddle with your clubs. DO NOT clean your club. DO NOT put its head-cover on. Get in the cart and move on. Believe it or not, the cart will operate properly while someone is holding a club. In fact, if you’re the passenger, you can clean your club and replace the head-cover while the cart is moving. When the cart comes to a stop, you can then put your now shiny club back into the bag.

 

  1. BE REALISTIC ON YARDAGE. Believe it or not, most golfers have the experience and knowledge to make a pretty good guess as to the distance from tee to pin when pulling up to the tee box. DO NOT casually mosey on up to the tee box, range finder in hand intent on reconnoitering the terrain. DO NOT lose sleep over whether or not the hole is 152 yards rather than 154 yards, especially when you hit your seven iron 150 plus or minus 20 yards. If you think that plus or minus two yards is going to make a difference, ask you caddie for his opinion. You obviously have one because you must be on the PGA Tour if you’re truly that precise in your shot making. Otherwise, increase the dosage on your medications for delusions of grandeur.

 

  1. MULTI-TASK. You see it all the time. Someone strolls up to the tee box, rangefinder in hand, but devoid of clubs. After taking readings worthy of a professional surveyor, the golfer now saunters back to the cart to select a club. Two heads may be better than one, but two trips take considerably more time. When you pull up to the tee box, you are given a number of clues. For example, the scorecard shows the yardage. The USGA approved stone monument in the ground generally has the yardage on it. A placard is frequently mounted on the ball washer or some other handy device. You may have played the hole the day before and can probably assume they haven’t added an additional two hundred yards to the hole. You can even go to the extreme and look at the pin and estimate its distance. Stunningly, humans can be pretty accurate in these situations. Now, take a club with you to the tee box! If you’re in doubt, take two clubs. In the worst case, take three – one longer, one shorter and your best guess. This applies to par three holes and to fairway approach shots. One trip is easier and faster than two or three.

 

  1. AVOID THE DRINK CART unless the course is backed up. If you’ve got an open hole in front of you and you stop at the cart, the beers you’re buying better be for the group behind you as a peace offering. Otherwise, wave them through or skip the libations.

 

  1. ABANDON RITUAL or at least cut down on it. Ritual has played a key role in people’s lives for eons. From religion to the Elks Lodge, ritual has played a part. Some golfers engage in more ritual before striking the ball than an exorcist expunging the demons … and with about as much success. Some of the observed ritual defies explanation.

I have seen (as have you) players who go through a full address and practice swing while facing the opposite direction from the hole. They already squandered twice as much time as a “fast” golfer before they even face the hole! Then some golfers not only push the limits of sanity, they blow through them at full throttle. Some stand behind the ball and extend their club pointing at the hole as if the club will somehow observe and learn the proper direction and whisper it to the ball at impact. One player I know actually “plumb-bobs” the hole. That’s not uncommon when you’re on the green, but when you’re 500 yards distant on the tee box, the meritorious effects of this action may be hard to discern. With all this, we haven’t yet even taken a stance!

We’re now fifteen seconds into the ritual since the tee was placed in the ground. (Note that “fast” golfers have generally teed it up, taken their stances, and made their swings in less than ten seconds.) It’s time to take a stance. Meticulous attention is made to the proper stance while the collective thoughts of the others in the group are focused on “ … finally, the S.O.B. is going to take a swing and we can play on.” Wrong! The stance now taken is solely for the purpose of taking one or two or three deliberate practice swings, none of which approximate the path, tempo or timing of the ultimate swing – should it ever come.

Finally, we can move up to the ball and take a stance. Signs of industry. Something might now happen.  All the years of practice, the lessons, the study, Golf Magazine and Golf Digest subscriptions, and the viewing of PGA tournaments on the television are finally about to coalesce in one elegant swing timed to perfection with a tempo that would make Bach swoon. But wait … there’s more.  Lay the shaft of the club across your thighs and make certain it still points to the hole. That’s certainly not out of the question given the amount of time that’s been diddled away getting to this point of near euphoria. Ah ha! The club points a half degree to the left. Good thing you checked. Now move one thigh forward or back; don’t move your feet. That’s because the one thing that doesn’t change during your swing is your legs. The feet could go anywhere.

Alright, get ready to swing. Oh, one last thing. Run through your metal checklist. Inside out? Check. Strengthen the grip? Check. Head steady? Check. Don’t over-swing? Check. Tempo, tempo, tempo. The swing’s a pendulum. Check. Lead with the left side? Check. Square the club face? Check. Pivot rather than sway? Check. Stand upright? Check. Attend to the rest of the checklist (see the diagram above for a partial list).

The only problem now is that you’ve been standing over the ball so damn long, you’re beginning to tremble as your muscles have become the area’s largest producer of lactic acid. You’ve forgotten which items on your list you omitted and which you checked twice. Subconsciously, you realize you only have room for one swing thought at a time while you have fifty-two of them on your list. At least one member of your group has dialed “9-1-1” while another is unwrapping the paddles of his portable defibrillator assuming you’ve died or at the very least, are in the midst of a grand mal seizure.

Finally, your body breaks loose from you muddled mind and takes it upon itself to execute some semblance of a golf swing. Those nearby who have not yet fallen asleep or gone to the clubhouse for a beer watch and now understand what David Feherty meant when he said, “His swing looks like an octopus falling from a tree.”

You’ve been on the tee box long enough to stake a legitimate “squatter’s rights” claim for title to the land. You’ve become subject to the “paralysis by analysis” demon and the only things you can utter after such lengthy preparation are pithy expressions like, “Oh shit!” and “Fore!”

If you take three practice swings before your ninety-five recordable swings, you have in effect played four rounds of golf. Is it any wonder you tend to fade at the end of the round?

Fast players typically take eight to ten seconds to tee it up and hit it. If you’re over fifteen seconds, you’re pushing it. If you’re over twenty seconds, you are a slow player. I have seen players exceed thirty seconds tee to take-off. That is grounds for homicide of the “justifiable” variety.

One final observation on this one – Have you ever noticed slow players rarely think they’re slow?

If the ritual becomes excessive, the results are generally not commensurate with the pre-swing efforts. Consider throwing an extra ten in the collection plate if you’re a church goer. Then you can just walk up to the ball, glance at the green, and swing!

Don’t Jump! Life Is Worth Living!

hangmans-nooseI pen this missive to encourage today’s competitors to not commit suicide. Yes, it was horrible. Yes, you looked like someone that isn’t ready to play on the big course, like someone who should be sticking to the course where putting through the witch’s mouth is nirvana, where you’re a hero if your first shot gets past the blades of the windmill. Most of you (like I played well) should have been putting with a white cane rather than a $300 putter. But sometimes, that’s the way the cookie bounces. And besides, the way you played today, even if you tried to shoot yourself, you’d most likely miss anyway.

I am a mathematician. To me, statistics have always been more exotic that any porn I’ve yet to see. Today’s statistics were true hard core. Here they are!

Scores20170529

At first glance, they are merely numbers, cold, hard, uncaring numbers. But look closer. Note the following …

The average “differential” was 11.0. “Big deal,” you say? Consider this; the average differential is normally on the order of 3.0 strokes. As a group, we were nearly four times the average today.

The average score was 91.1. With the handicaps carried by the group, the average score should have been roughly 85. The average was six strokes higher than expected!

Under normal circumstances, the average score to handicap is plus three, i.e., three strokes over the difference between course rating and gross score. Generally, about one in five golfers will shoot his handicap or better.

Here are the facts …

No one, not a single golfer shot better than four strokes over handicap today. One golfer (name withheld to protect the guilty) shot 24 strokes over handicap. Another was 19 over handicap.

Why did this happen? Because the course (Padre) was in a bad, very, very bad, mood. The greens were lightning fast, the fairways were as receptive as my first wife with a headache, the wind was constantly changing. I haven’t seen the golf gods this pissed off in years.

Now the up-side …

Everybody had to compete on the same course. If you had a bad day, so did everyone else. The field was level. Quitcherbichen.

Many moons ago – in my days of climbing the big mountains – I learned  that when the mountain’s in a bad mood, she’s not going to have any guests. On other days, she embraces even the novice climbers. Such is the case with a golf course. The Padre was not accepting guests today. If you survived, you did well.

There were some great shots hit out there today. In fact, on one hole (#2), I had six of them.

Wednesday’s another day. Suck it up. Play well. The field is level. If it’s tough for you, it’s tough for everyone. Oh my! I say that, but I’m going to quit golf altogether if I don’t do better, a lot better.

The Rules are The Rules, but …

The USGA has a clearly defined set of rules for the game of golf. Most of our fellow golfers have a pretty good understanding of those rules, at least when there are witnesses present. On top of these rules, players need to be familiar with any “local rules” which may be applicable on any given course. The extent of the rules that govern our play may sometimes seem burdensome and confusing. However, whenever frustration sets in when dealing with those rules, consider yourselves lucky that you didn’t have to play golf at Richmond Golf Club in England in 1940.

According to one source, German planes would fly from Norway on bombing missions. Because of icy weather conditions, the barrels of their guns had a small dab of wax in the muzzle to protect them from clogging with ice. In addition to attacking industrial targets close to the golf courses, after crossing the coast, they would clear their guns by firing a few rounds at the golf courses. Golfers were encouraged to take cover. It is said they also were asked to play by the following rules.

RichmondLocalRules

The next time you get a bad lie in the fairway, relax. It could be a lot worse.

 

Going Native on Ambiente

High GrassWith a few new members and a few whose memories come into and out of focus from time-to-time, let’s review the rule associated with playing out of the “native grass” areas on the Ambiente course at Camelback.

Native grass areas are deemed “lateral hazards”. This means:

  1. YOU MAY NOT ground your club when addressing your ball. You MAY lightly touch the grass, but you MAY NOT do anything that alters the swing path such as taking practice swings that tear or uproot the grass or plants near the ball.
  1. YOU MAY NOT move any loose impediments in the hazard. You MAY NOT brush any rocks or pebbles aside. YOU MAY NOT pick up or move any twigs, pine needles, coyote droppings. You DO NOT get relief from “obstructions” if you’re in a hazard without incurring a penalty stroke. This includes things like the fire hydrant on the ninth hole.
  1. YOU DO NOT get free relief from standing water if you are IN the hazard. That’s sort of why it’s called a “hazard”. After the rains, many of the native grass areas become native rivers. No relief without penalty.
  1. YOU MAY NOT “build a stance”. You can place your feet firmly on the ground, but you may not uproot plants or kick big rocks around while taking your stance.

Relief from a lateral hazard is covered under Section 26 of the Rules of Golf. You have five options:

  1. Play the ball where it lies without penalty and subject to the prohibitions outlined above. Obviously, you have to find the ball to do this. No penalty.
  1. Stroke and distance. Return to the spot from which you hit the ball. You incur a one stroke penalty. If you hit the ball from the teeing ground, you are now hitting your third shot from the teeing ground.
  1. Drop a ball within two club lengths of the point where the ball crossed the margin of the hazard. You take a one stroke penalty.
  1. Drop a ball within two club lengths of a point on the opposite side of the hazard, but no closer to the hole than where the ball first crossed the margin of the hazard. You take a one stroke penalty.
  1. Drop a ball as far back as you wish on a line from the point of entry and the flagstick. You take a one stroke penalty.

Admittedly, it is called a “lateral hazard”, but this DOES NOT MEAN you can drop a ball laterally out of the hazard. You MUST drop within two club lengths of the point where the ball first crossed the margin of the hazard (assuming you’re taking relief as defined by #3 above).

What are the native grass areas? For most golfers, it’s pretty apparent that the arroyo area on the starboard side of the course is a “native grass” area. However, some golfers lose their clarity when they end up in a little “island” area of native grass. If it looks like native grass, you’re safe assuming it is a hazard. This includes places like (1) the tall grass between the cart path and the sand traps on the left side of the #3 fairway, (2) the grass areas running the entire length of the port side of pretty much every hole on the course, (3) the grass areas above and to the left of the traps on #18, (4) the tall grass area between the cart path and the #16 green, (5) the grassy area above the trap at the end of the dogleg on the #1 hole. These are just a few of the “native grass” areas. If it’s got flowers, it’s not fairway, it’s not rough, it’s native.

A couple of final comments on this topic: if you’re playing the Padre course and hit a ball into a native grass area that’s part of the Ambiente course, e.g., the area behind the twelfth green, IT IS NATIVE GRASS and deemed lateral hazard.

Consider this a “local rule” for The Jones Boyz Group. I don’t recall if Camelback has addressed this issue, so don’t claim it as an “official” local rule for the club without checking. There are areas on the course where the cart path runs through native grass areas. For example, on #3, #5, #6, #7, #8, #9 and other holes, there are sections of the cart path with native grass areas on both sides of the path. Technically, with a ball on the path or a ball adjacent to the path where the concrete interferes with your swing and the finish on your $100 club, you are NOT entitled to relief. However, by Executive Decree of the Tournament Committee, i.e., me, we will play with our own local rule. You MAY take relief from the cart path without penalty. However, you MAY NOT take relief out of the hazard. The free drop must be within a club length of the nearest relief from the cart path, but within the hazard.

We’ve got a great golf group and we should be proud that we have fostered a culture where we play by the rules. We don’t improve our lies. We don’t bump the ball. We’re pretty much “by the book”. Hopefully, this helps some of the newer members of the group to stay on the high road.

In the final analysis, the best way to avoid conflicts with these and other rules is to hit your shots into the fairway. I’m thinking about trying that approach. I’m always open to new things.

Silverado Golf Course – Slightly Better Than Nothing

silveradopic3A group of a dozen golfers decided to give Scottsdale Silverado Golf Club a second chance. The first chance came nearly a year earlier; we weren’t favorably impressed. But, it seemed unfair to base our opinions on only one data point. Anyone can have a bad day. Perhaps we happened to be there for the only bad day they’d ever inflicted upon golfers. The second chance came Friday, April 21st.

Based upon our experience on the 21st, our first experience may have been one of their better days. The second chance was as close to disaster as one can come without seeing a mushroom cloud. Most of us feel fortunate to have escaped the property with our tattered, challenged and abused senses of humor intact.

Continue reading “Silverado Golf Course – Slightly Better Than Nothing”

2017 Camelback Golf Club Ladies Invitational a Great Success

Day One (94 of 177)The Last Annual Camelback Golf Club Ladies Invitational tournament is in the books. “Our Swan Song” came off as another great success with the proceeds benefiting the Semper Fi Fund for wounded veterans and their families. As we have for the past three years, we accumulated plenty of pictures of the action and posted them on this site for your viewing pleasure. I hope you enjoy them.

Note that you can scroll through the images or click on any one of them to go into the “slide show” mode where you can view them full-screen and advance through the presentation with your arrow keys.

As has been the case in the past, you can get copies of any of the pictures by requesting them via email. If you do, please identify the image(s) by name. Also let me know if you intend to have an image printed for framing so that I can provide you with a high resolution copy of the requested image(s).

I have tried to include shots of all of the golfers, but with so many playing, I’m sure I missed a few. If someone parks a cart in front of a player or stands in front of the player, I can’t get shots from where I was positioned. For those who noticed me, you also noticed that the photo equipment wasn’t very portable. It weighed more than a few of the golfers themselves.

In cases where photos were clearly not “flattering”, I have deleted them from my system. However, over my many years as a photographer, I know the most people, me included, feel as if it is not possible to take a pleasing picture. Historically, I’ve found the problem seems to be even bigger when photographing the ladies. If I have posted a picture of you that you truly find so unflattering that you’d like to have it removed, let me know and I’ll try to accommodate. However, my style of photography is one where I eschew “posed” pictures in deference to spontaneous ones where people’s emotions are visible. I have found that those are truly the best pictures. We are at our most beautiful when we are our most real selves. Someone rarely smiles after missing a putt, but we’re only human and we all miss putts from time-to-time. It’s a part of the game of golf and metaphorically, it’s a part of the game of life. Rejoice in being a part of humanity.

I hope you enjoy the pictures.